Dealing with catastrophe

For the past two days in my English classes, I have been emphasizing to my students the importance of using our journal-writing time for thoughtful rumination, rather than listing and itemizing basic day-to-day activities. I contend that they are bored with the journal activity, and are therefore uninspired when faced with the daily entry.

Here is an example of what I am talking about. This morning on ChannelOne news, there was a segment on the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz concentration camp. The reporter interviewed a survivor of Auschwitz who was a child when in captivity there. She is now 85 years old. One thing she said struck a chord with me. It was something to this effect: "We never know if tomorrow will bring a catastrophic event to our lives. How strong will we be if the catastrophe happens to us?"

Catastrophe occurred in my life on an innocent Thursday in late October, 1982. I answered the phone call that no one ever wants to answer. Mom was on the other end, and with a choking voice, she said that Dad had been in a combine accident. She wanted us to come to the hospital in Hillsboro immediately. It was the beginning of an absolutely numbing few days. Before I could get to the hospital, Dad was being transported by ambulance to Cincinnati, and he died in transit.

Even after 22 years, I miss him terribly. I can still remember the last conversation we had, and the last thing I said to him. I was never a "Daddy's girl," and we weren't extraordinarily close, but, oh, to lose him hurt for a long, long time. I still feel his loss, and grieve that my kids never got to know their grandad, and, even, sadder, that he missed out on knowing them.

A second catastrophe occurred for my family, or I should say, my husband's family, on March 7, 2004, when his niece, Keely Jo Maxwell was killed in a car wreck. She was 17 years old, the absolute light of her parents' life, and had the most amazing future ahead of her imaginable. Keely was unbelievably talented in volleyball and basketball. As a matter of fact, she was on her way home from a college visit to Kent State, where she most wanted to go on a volleyball scholarship, when the wreck occurred. Again, the next few days were a nightmare. The grief suffered by the family was staggering.

We are still grieving. The pain lessens for some of us, but her mother and father, her brother, and her grandparents continue to feel the pain of the loss. I don't know how one recovers, honestly. The very thought of losing a child in a senseless accident is too painful to consider.

Now, when I think of the recent catastrophes that have been in the news from around the world, I try to imagine our anquish multiplied millions of time over. It's difficult to wrap one's brain around such utter pain. Those affected by the tsunami, those affected by insurgents in Irag, those killed in the horrible train wreck in California, and so many more are all suffering in their own ways. As insurmountable as the pain is, somehow they will all get through it.

And that takes me back to the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz. The sweet-yet-sad-looking 85-year-old survivor speaks quietly, but speaks volumes. She does not hate her captors; she spreads words of hope for others; she stresses that we must not let future generations forget the senseless loss of life, nor must we permit such vile hatred to rein ever again.

Down on Me Day

If there is one thing that I do especially well, it's waste time. I have been home from school since around 4pm, and except for fixing dinner, I have done nothing but play TextTwist on the computer. What is that accomplishing??? It aggravates me that I just sit. I could be working on grades. I could be working on a quilt. I could be reading - finishing Cold Comfort Farm, or starting another. I could be cleaning something. Basically, I have nothing to show for the last 3 hours.

Before I got all buggy about TextTwist, I played freecell. Before that, minesweeper. Before that, mahjong. It's been a long succession of meaningless games. What is the attraction? Why am I drawn to the computer to play these games and waste my time?

Perhaps I need to set a limit for myself. If I allow myself a set number of minutes each day, and then when I have used those minutes, I have to stop, that will be a way for me to maximize my free time. I just love the sense of accomplishment. Why don't I allow myself to feel that more often? I could have so many quilts made. I could have so many books read. I could have so much of my grading finished. I could have a cleaner house. I could have a cleaner car. I could have my bills paid. I could have my correspondence caught up. I could exercise. So many things that would be better to do than to sit in front of the computer playing a silly game for hours on end. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Self control. That is what I lack. It's the same lack of self-control that prevents me from losing weight. I am my own worst enemy. I have no one to blame but myself.

Grrr. Agravating. Procrastinator.

Down on Me Day. Why can't I do better?

Trial Run...

I didn't set out to begin this tonight. It just so happened that I was clicking around on the internet, and found an interesting-looking site related to blogging, something that I have near the top of my to-do list for the new year. Five or six clicks later, here I am. Totally unprepared with what I want to say.

I'll begin by saying that today is my 48th birthday. Well, it's after midnight, so technically I'm 22 minutes into the day after my birthday. But, I'm staying up late, and to me it's still "today." I've not given a moment's thought to growing another year older; instead, my husband, daughter, and I had a full day planned in Columbus. Our high school basketball team played a game at Ohio State's Schottenstein Center, so we wanted to go to that. None of us had ever been to a game there before, so we were very curious to see it.

Since the game was at 1:30, the trip to Columbus allowed us to fit in some shopping. One place I really wanted to go to was The Glass Thimble, a wonderful quilt shop on North High Street. They were having their annual 25% off sale. I spent most of the time just looking at the great samples they had hanging all around the store. Then I decided that it would be cool to look for the books or patterns that these samples were made from. That was time-consuming, though, so I began looking for some fabric that sort of just "spoke" to me. The total damages were close to $100, as I found 2 books, 1 pattern, and 4 pieces of fabric, 2 yards of each.

Another place I really needed to go to was Sam's Club, as we were out of quite a few of the staple items that I buy there. We bought the stuff I really needed to get (green beans, cold medicine, bar soap, laundry detergent, etc.) and some things I never expected to get. Kevin had been wanting a laundry hamper to put in our bedroom where we've always had just a basket. We found a 3-piece basket combo, one of which is a hamper, for around $37. Also, Kevin found a pair of blue jeans to his liking. I hope they fit. There was no place to try them on.

A really fun late-afternoon lunch stop was to Macaroni Grill at Tuttle Crossing. I've been there 3 times now, and have never had a bad meal. Emma had a chicken-fingers kids meal. Kevin ordered a special - sole, fixed in a really delicious way with orisi (?) pasta. Quite good. I had a canelloni (?) with parmesan cheese. I ordered this because I thought I was getting something a little smaller, yet this thing was gigantic! It was cut into 5 wedges, and I could only eat 2 of them. Of course, they serve a small loaf of bread for dipping in olive oil, and we ordered an antipasti dish of bruschetta with pancetta. We were very full when we left, to say the least. But it was all good, and the waiter was a gem. He explained all the food, and even gave us directions to a closer Sam's Club than the one we would have go to.

Since getting home, I've done 3 loads of laundry, attempted to learn more about our new computer (just hooked it up last night!), and watched our Buckeye boys lose in double overtime to LSU. Bummer.

As I've typed this bit of time, I've been thinking about what kinds of things I will write in this blog. Or does one say "on" this blog? Anyway, whichever is correct, I think I will write about my main interests:
1. Reading and books
2. Italy
3. Italian cooking
4. Quilting and fabric shopping
5. Teaching (what I do professionally)
6. Family

I'd like to think that I'd have some fabulous insights along the way, but I really don't think I will. I will try, though, not to be too banal in my ramblings. It's a pretty safe bet that I will not get too many comments about the things I write, but that is fine with me. I am not doing this to get comments. I want to keep a blog just to have a formal journal. I've not been doing it at school like I used to, and I need to get back to it.

And so, I will sign off with the immortal words of Jackie Gleason, "and awaya-ay we go!"