Down on Me Day

If there is one thing that I do especially well, it's waste time. I have been home from school since around 4pm, and except for fixing dinner, I have done nothing but play TextTwist on the computer. What is that accomplishing??? It aggravates me that I just sit. I could be working on grades. I could be working on a quilt. I could be reading - finishing Cold Comfort Farm, or starting another. I could be cleaning something. Basically, I have nothing to show for the last 3 hours.

Before I got all buggy about TextTwist, I played freecell. Before that, minesweeper. Before that, mahjong. It's been a long succession of meaningless games. What is the attraction? Why am I drawn to the computer to play these games and waste my time?

Perhaps I need to set a limit for myself. If I allow myself a set number of minutes each day, and then when I have used those minutes, I have to stop, that will be a way for me to maximize my free time. I just love the sense of accomplishment. Why don't I allow myself to feel that more often? I could have so many quilts made. I could have so many books read. I could have so much of my grading finished. I could have a cleaner house. I could have a cleaner car. I could have my bills paid. I could have my correspondence caught up. I could exercise. So many things that would be better to do than to sit in front of the computer playing a silly game for hours on end. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Self control. That is what I lack. It's the same lack of self-control that prevents me from losing weight. I am my own worst enemy. I have no one to blame but myself.

Grrr. Agravating. Procrastinator.

Down on Me Day. Why can't I do better?